Early Adieu

He told me today.
Aggressive and late detected.
For a moment I was 12.

I felt like my petals fell off
Like a strong current swept me,
Helpless and spinning
Tossed up and under
Blinded, childlike,

Powerless.

As if it were winter and
I bent towards earth buried.
Seeking, searching,
Water and green,
Beneath a sea of white.

Like I was the one cloud
Separate and lagging
Behind the rest racing for
An endless blue above the ocean.

Cancer.

Stopped me, spun me,
Unforgiving.

I watch closely now.
The eyes that are mine
In the face growing thin,
Pale
Talking quickly,
Guilt ridden.

"It's not your fault, Dad.",
I want to tell him.
Smile and show him I'm ok.
But my eyes are his and he knows
Their nuances.
The truth within the slight
Dampening
Dimming
Somber understanding.

Then I held it together,
Smiled, stayed practical.

I felt his heavy thanks,
The wave of graciousness.
I thought of his strength and pain,
This beautiful man trying to figure out the impossible;

How do you tell your child you’re dying?

We left smiling
I told a joke.
I hugged him close and he choked
On tears not meant to be seen.

Then we left cheerily.

Hung my head as soon as the car door closed.
Couldn't hold
My heart,
or him here.

It's ok.
This will fade into acceptance,
Re-connection,
peace and light for having such
A blessing.

You've been the best thing.
Taught me patience, love, understanding
Relinquishing the shallow things
Awareness of ego and
The soulful self reflection -

You were everything you should've been
For me.

There is greatness in him.
A man who stands beside a child and opens wide,
Unaware of what is shared with the world.
A man who sits with dying friends,
Who understands the loneliness,
Who hands out companionship,
Despite the cost in loss.

Don't doubt it now,
Reflect and feel your soul, proud,
Of all you leave behind.

Seven lovely lives,
that never would've been without you.

I'll take you where you wished you'd gone,
The Andes, Cuba, the amazon
We'll pray with shamans and walk the Inca trail.

Then visit cities, like new Orleans,
Boston, Memphis Tennessee,
All the blues bars, rock and jazz,
I'll hear you in the walls there,
Underneath the notes played,
Inside the knowing faces,
Of those who feel the same.

Your love lasts miles
Despite any distance.
There is music we can listen to,
Whenever we might need to hear you,
Landscape we can look upon,
To feel your hippie spirit, strong,
Rocking solos as you forget to breathe.

Now there's no need.

We'll take in all the air you left us
Ocean breezes, mountain echoes
Phone calls to answering machines
Messages you left me,
"Even the fucking bears would miss you if 
you were gone".
You will live on.

In every new dirt my feet land on
In every foreign face I lay eyes on
In all the life I come upon,
You'll be.

My father living through me.

Cold House

Spring came in again.
Five days long she rained love but,
Summer is delayed.

Winter finds it's way,
Sneaks back in uninvited
To fill new with old.

Stealing away breath
Sweet air that gave life to death
Dark must be complete

For summer freedom's reign.

The Best Thing God Created Is A New Day

If it's a joke then put it on me,
Send your caution carelessly,
'Cause it's not me who minds.
It is the sky and it's inside me.

I know the kind, I know,
I'm new and fresh and young,
Except that I have seen the sun,
Grow old and tired of storms and fire,
She falls to cool beneath the sea.

To give her rest, I would that it were me.

Stay quiet, don't you say a word
Don't resist the breath of hurt
You hold it all so tightly,
Let it go.

No need to say you love me,
Just hear what I am giving,
Let it sit there, let it sink in...

On paper, just appearance,
Ink in a plastic figure
Ball point rolls away
and I am tired...

He wrinkles in his sigh,
But just around his eyes.

To Day

There is so much space here.

Filled with the empty and still.

Quiet whispers between souls I know,

New bodies mixed with young and old.



There is so much love here.

In grey skies and dying trees.

Gently bending to cold winds caress,

Needing no thought to it's perfect progress.



The stars are still there

Behind light of Christmas morning.

Balance like I'm seeking,

Between nothingness and thinking.



We're all that spaciousness.

Empty and everything.

Smiling and breathing.

Loving and missing.



Present and drifting,

Apart while connecting;

I'll be it all today.

It's in living, that I pray.