Monday, February 24, 2014

If I Were More Myself

If I were more myself today...

I would say I am hopeful, a little locked inside, a bit afraid,
but mostly in the midst of a healthy hesitance
to let go or be foolish, despite a powerful intrigue,
and youthful desire to do so.

I'd tell you I have a fierce desire to make a space for you,
where you'd be comfortable with me
as you are with your own thoughts at night.

I'd like to know the side of you that's safe in silence and space between us.
I'd like to be calm enough to be present for those, and not want to distract.
Be still.

I'd like to be close friends.
In the way that when you're excited about something, pleased or proud,
I'm one of the ones you think to tell.
I want you to understand enough of me that you'd be interested in the same,
because any seemingly superficial reasons for excitement come from a deeper place,
and have a lot of healing weight.

I'd like to kick your ass in something.
Except, I kind of don't...

I'd tell you I'd like to come out of my shell, talk to you the way you want,
find words in person
and in bed
to drive you mad -
and equally as much, I want you to lie quiet, no talking allowed,
no persona or fantasy to hide behind.
Take my time, slowly, completely present to each body part I touch,
each contact of my skin on yours,
each breath and wave of desire I can sense and respond to.

I want to watch you go all the way over the edge
to a soulful, moaning climax,
and feel your weight fall after.

I want to know your facial expression when you're at your most vulnerable,
with no attempt to cover, fade or fix it.

Above all, I want you to be
wherever you are, at any moment.
For anything less than real would leave us both with the slight, haunting taste of dissatisfaction.


If, when we meet and have learned something of eachother,
And you don't fit the above, let's be friends.
True ones, who love and are brim with understanding - but not to be confused with in-love.

If you do... let's not be such fools
As to keep our face to the ground for a too-long timid minute -
there is no dawn that shines in shyness.

Let's be brave and unabashed, but only if we're ready,
because timing isn't part of what's within our own, albeit powerful, grasp.

Let's be kind, and true, regardless of bruises to the ego.
Let's be vulnerable,
And let what's right and natural come as it may, no forcing, no longing -
When you long, keep your feet to the ground, your seat in the cushion, and stay present.
Look around.
Be happy where you are now,
and natural outcomes will be sure to surprise you.

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